We attatch ourselves to people to grow, to be better and to feel like you somehow belong. Truly the bond of attachment is a dangerous thing . . . When the person regarding the other half is gone or change you feel it deep down. There occurs cracks in your heart, and the lost pieces disappear in sorrow. We could always grow from our mistakes and experiences, but in this case the ribbon can’t be fully healed. It’s reality that you can’t rip a ribbon into two pieces and then patch them together as it once was. The ribbon would still have rips reminding you of the cracks . . . It’s pretty much the same about attaching to people.
I’ve written about a conflict earlier on this blog that regards this somehow. Yes, the ribbon got torn into two seperate pieces that got patched together when we made up. Still you can see the rifts from where the ribbon was torn in the first place. Sadly in my case I have attached to this person somehow. I can feel the changes . . . the leftovers from the time when the ribbon was torn. I believe she has cracks of her own, leftovers and pain that she struggles with. That pains me to see, I can see her cracks even though I can’t understand what started them. She’s a strong person who really needs to find herself again, I feel like she’s working her ass off trying to figure herself out. I understand the fact that people change with time, but also when you’ve been beaten down you need to pick all your pieces up and patch them back as good as possible. Never give up . . . I feel like at some points she’s given up. She’s the sort of person who often infects others with her mood without herself knowing it. Some people can see through that facade where she’s hiding her inner feelings. That’s where I see, because I know things not everybody else does.
I’m attached, and I’m kinda sad that I let myself go through this. Since I’ve been through similar situation in my past I’m easily affected. I really care for her and love her as a friend. I really don’t want this for her . . . I really don’t . . . and that’s probably why I worry too much.
I have to admit things are better then before the conflict, but still I feel the rifts in the ribbon. I hoped things would heal well enough in time, but I’m not so sure anymore. I actually feel exchanged somehow, I feel like a leftover I suppose. I’ve honestly never been this attached to someone before, and that’s probably why it hurts even more. When reading this I don’t want you to worry because I still manages to get my mind off things, but I still feel the other half of the ribbon though. The half that I really want to keep from shredding even more.
When listening to songs from Demi Lovato and especially her latest “Heart Attack” you realize what she meant while writing the lyrics. They truly stand for what they are.
“You make me glow, but I cover up
Won’t let it show, so I’m
Puttin’ my defences up
‘Cause I don’t wanna fall in love
If I ever did that
I think I’d have a heart attack
“The feelings got lost in my lungs
They’re burning, I’d rather be numb
And there’s no one else to blame
So scared I take off and I run
I’m flying too close to the sun
And I burst into flames
Those lyrics truly expresses the feelings sounding attachment when it turns wrong. I might be thinking way too black and depressive, but they are true. To enlighten this post I’ll write a quote from “The Perks Of Being A Wallflower” which pretty much is a life lesson that I truly think I’ll tattoo soon!
I hope I didn’t make you sad reading this, I’m okay… Just going through a though time dealing with everything from self-esteem to life in general 😀
HAVE A NICE DAY 😀 YOU TRULY DESERVE IT! ❤
~ Sindre E