“When Everything Turns to Ashes”

I actually started believing that life wasn’t a huge nightmare. I actually believed everything would be better. That the better came, came to stay. I quickly realize that life never would be peaceful. That trust is a treasure you should hide deep within and forget that it’s even there. In a matter of seconds, what you once had is so lost in time, that’s when you understand that things burn… Only leaving regrets and ashes.

When I was left destroyed for the first time, I simply thought “Okay!” he’s a piece of s***! I got over it, but I never ever believed I’d ever be happy. Then at my worst states of being bullied I thought “I just should pretend to be happy, so nobody feel like they’re controlling me!” I knew that I wouldn’t ever have any real friends, I probably would turn to suicide! I got over it, met some new friends. All that pain and sorrow still lingering beneath my skin. The fire that burns from the insides and out.

For the first time in my life I was getting more and more happiness. More luck! I did begin summoning who I was, who I was meant to be. I got over the worst of bullying, people started respecting me somewhat. I worked my f****** ass of to get into the course I was meant to follow! The day I got into the school, and course of my dreams, I believed… “This is my good chance to be happy, meet people that doesn’t know me at all!” It was scary starting school. I met many wonderful people, they truly is the best people in the world!

 I had met people like me, new cool people, people I still today adore to earth. I was a part of something, had nice people… with no intentions on hurting me. I was happy, and it was only going upwards. There was this day where I thought to myself that this is to good to be true! I were only waiting for something to go wrong… A little time went by. School was a nightmare, a living hell to start with… but I had helpful people who supported me. Who actually for once truly believed on me, gave me hope.

Then what I had been waiting on started. There was this mistake on a party right before Christmas. I had my friends with me through it, and everything went perfectly fine. Maybe not so much to the other half of that end, but that’s that persons own fault. The beautiful happiness came back, no worries we’re left.

I now felt the horrible feeling of hope, that just ended once more. A friend of mine ended her relationship with her boyfriend on horrible terms. He was more then heart broken. I didn’t know him that well, but he turned to me… and I told him that he could talk to me about everything… so that maybe his pain could pass away. When I met him on Monday I had to give him a hug saying everything will be fine in the end… he broke down I felt his sorrow. That day I talked with him letting him speak, get his feelings out. I felt that he needed that support.

My friend arrived at school later that day, and saw me and another friend talking with him, because he wanted to talk. That was taken wrong. She believes that we support him over her, breaking our loyalty towards her. Personally have I let so many details out of this, because that’s things I don’t share because I feel like I’m still her friend though she hates me. How is it possible to turn straight from best friends to total strangers. How is it possible to not give me or my other friend a chance to tell her the truth. We’ve tried our best to two days straight! We’ve truly not done anything wrong besides comforting her boyfriend who barley can keep it together.

Now I and the other friend are sad and mad at the same time. I have no idea to what, how, where I can go or be sociable. I …I’m empty and confused. I just wanna… I’m empty of everything called words…

I hope that I’m excused from correcting my writing… I can’t read through this… it’s too weird…

~Sindre E